Monday, December 31, 2007

That's All, Folks!

And finally its over! With the number two draft pick at stake, the Rams didn't let up in their relentless pursuit of mediocrity and put another stinker out on the field with a resounding defeat to Kurt Warner and the Cards.

Yes, as I sat and watched the events of the day unfold I could only wonder what would have been if.....Alright! Let's just stop right there. If! What the hell is that? I along with many others have been making excuses all year due to the massive onslaught of injuries to plague this team, but yesterday proved that under this stupid ass coach we will never win.

Once again the play calling in crucial situations was atrocious. How about on third and long and fourth and long going to Ike or Torry? But no-ooooooo. Let's try again for the second week in a row to hit Looker or Bennett. Now I don't know what happened to Bennett, but at Tennessee he was the MAN! He was not only one of my favorite non-Ram players but also one of my favorite fantasy receivers. This year - hands of butter. That TD he dropped on Sunday was frickin stupid. And to continue to try to hit him on third or fourth down situations is a decision that Coach needs to be strung up for. To begin the game Torry was targeted often while Jackson was given a good share of the plays too.

But then it's like a light went off in Coach's head, and by "off" I mean "out." The whole rest of the game he seemed like he was on ludes or something. No fire or drive to get the guys to play hard. And with the group of misfits they had left, motivation was something they were sincerely lacking. He needs to go and go fast. Can you say "Mariucci?"

The end result of this game was exactly what I expected but the end result of this season was exactly NOT what I expected. Hopefully next year will be better, beginning with the draft of a TE or bust DL.

Great! I wonder if there's any room for me on the Patriots' bandwagon? NOT! I beg all of us Planeteers and Pagers to bury our heads in Rams 'lore and not just pray but BEG the LORD for a Patriots loss (like he really gives a crap about football, but some people think he does), or we will be forced to watch ESPN PatriotsCenter and Patriots Live for a long, long time. It's bad enough already as it is, I don't know if I can handle much more of it. Here's to next year us going 16-0 and stomping on Belicheat's parade.

Now where's the rest of that Wild Turkey?

Monday, December 24, 2007

Best Christmas Cookies Ever!

1 cup water
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.

Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to bean off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.


Marshall, Marshall, Marshall!

I was going to research these numbers to update them, but this flu is kicking my ass so I'll just give you what I got. As of late 2006, here are some of Faulk's achievements and why he will be a first ballot HOF'er. Period.

2000 league MVP

NFL record 2,429 total yards (1,381 rushing, 1,048 receiving) from scrimmage in a season.

Set an NFL record with 4 consecutive 2,000+ yards seasons from line of scrimmage.

Only 2nd player to gain more than 1000 yds both rushing and receiving in a season.

Tied an NFL record with Emmitt Smith to have 2 consecutive years of 20+ TDs.

Set an NFL record with three 4 TD games in a single season.

Set an NFL record with 2 consecutive years of 4 TD's in 3 or more games.

Set an NFL record with most TD's in a single season @ 26.

4th all-time in total yards from scrimmage.

4th all-time in touchdowns scored.

6th all-time in rushing TD’s.

9th overall in career rushing yards.

16th overall all-time in receptions including Wide Receivers. 2nd overall amongst running backs.

Monday, December 17, 2007

That's Just Me

I am so pissed off right now I could squirt! What a travesty that the three Rams fans in attendance didn't take it upon themselves to kick the crap out of the people IN THE FRONT ROWS who had the Packers signs up. I would have ripped those signs down and then gotten the "Lambeau South" jerkoffs and the "Rams Hunting Season" assholes kicked out for trying to stop me. But that's just me.

You think that for one minute I would have gotten away with putting up a Rams sign like that at the Raiders for a PRESEASON game? No frickin way. I'd a been jumped like a red headed stepchild and then taken out on a stretcher. It's a disgrace and is completely unacceptable that the season ticket holders sold out like they did. Maybe its because I am not a PSL holder, or that living out here on the NFC Worst, er West, Coast I would have given anything to see the game in person, but I just can't fathom giving up a ticket for such a monumental game and ESPECIALLY TO THE VISITING TEAM! But that's just me. If not to see the Rams but at least to see Favre and watch him break Marino's record - I mean, who wouldn't want to see it in person? Well, except for about 60,000 Rams "fans" who didn't show up.

Just keep it up, because I would love for them to come back to LA, where it's only a $100 flight instead of a $1200 one for me to see them. I have been a season ticket holder for seven years now - Sunday Ticket season ticket holder, that is - and refused to allow my oldest son's friend who is a Packers fan to come over and watch with us. But that's just me. And at $300 for the season, I really could've used his $20.

I love the Rams whether they win or lose, whether they play ugly or play pretty, whether I have to pay $300 a season to see them in HD or $3000 a season to see them in person. I would never sell out like that. But...that's just me.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Just Another Measly Sunday

Well that was fun. I really don't have too much to say about this game other than it turned out to be alot closer than I thought it would be. What with Brock "Don't call me Dieter" Berlin (Yeah, I know, it's a stretch) at the helm and after what happened last week at the hands of the Hall of Famer Chris Redman, I thought it would be the worst loss of the season. But alas, once again this team surprises me. It appears that the Defense has finally figured out how to play within Haslett's scheme and do some hurtin'; it's just too bad that at the same time the offense has figured out how to hurt itself more. One can only imagine what next week will be like when Favre comes a callin'. And in my best Forrest Gump voice I proudly say "and that's all I got to say 'bout that." For now...

Monday, December 3, 2007

The Fast and the Tankiest

When looking at the schedule before the season started, I had this one chalked up to an easy victory. No Vick and no Schaub, piece of cake, right? Well what do ya know - Another game where we jumped out to a sizable early lead and then had to hang on for dear life at the end.

Sunday’s game against the Falcons was the fifth straight game in which the Rams had a double-digit lead, with this win being only the third out of that five. How our offense can come out on fire and look so awesome and then just completely tank in the second half is mind boggling to me.

When the offense died (again) after going up 14-0 to begin the game (again) and it began to look like it was “OH NO” all over again, I almost decided to turn it off and go with my wife to her underwater basket-weaving class. Almost. This team really pisses me off, and I don’t know if it’s all coaching or execution or what, but if at least one of the coaches doesn’t get executed after this year then we will be in for another long season in 2008.

I hear a lot of talk about canning Linehan and promoting Haslett, but it is really hard to execute a successful game plan when you have 17 different O-Line units in just 12 games. That is truly unbelievable. And considering that one of those left standing was Steussie, who hadn’t played at all until last week (Browns), I tend to once again give Coach a mulligan on almost blowing this one. Too many injuries TO STARTERS, too many dropped passes, missed tackles, and dropped Int’s this season make it difficult to know how to judge this team fairly. But hey, if they want fair then just win, baby! If they want fair then get out there and kick ass on a team who has a QB that hadn’t thrown a TD pass since 2002 and wasn’t even in the league last year. Instead we make him look like the second coming of Kurt Warner. Thank goodness it’s a dog-eat-dog world and Vick is wearing milkbone underwear or this one may have left us staring at 2-10. Here’s hoping Carson Palmer doesn’t put up 500 and 6 on us.

Now I would like to address Steven Jackson’s pregame comments about the fans needing to whoop it up a bit more and get into it. How about shuttin’ your mouth and giving us a reason to believe that when you jump out to an early lead you will win? I wanted sooooo badly to get excited Sunday but I knew, I just knew that it wouldn’t last. And I was right. So until you can hold a lead and actually do something with it, Steven, just shut up and play. And remember that your team is 3-9, not 9-3.

On a side note, the way the Patriots won last night was sickening. Gaffney did not have control of that pass, and there is no way in hell that the Ravens get that call. And that defensive holding penalty right before that, even Steve Young said how ironic it was, since "the Patriots have been raping and pilaging tight ends for years" but getting away with it. This season is enough to make me want to walk away from Football altogether, not just the Rams. I almost literally don't care to watch it anymore. I hate Belicheat and Brady more than Sauerkraut on Spumoni ice cream. And that's pretty frickin gross! But here I'll be next week, just as pissed off about something else that goes wrong and more than happy to tell you about it. Hopefully it won't involve THE BESTEST TEAM IN THE WHOLE WORLD, THE ST LOUIS RAMS!

Monday, November 26, 2007


Man was that a close one. Thank goodness. Now all this nonsense about the Rams making a miraculous comeback by running the table to go 8-8 and win the NFC Worst can stop. I was going crazy thinking that could happen. And when the final play on Sunday resulted in a Frerotte gaff, I looked at my son and said "Yep. I knew it. That is so typical. Way to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory. JERKS!!!!" I wouldn't be surprised, Bulger healthy or not, if we lose out and finish 2-14. Sunday's loss has to be so demoralizing, when a 2-8 team actually has a chance to beat the first place team and continue on its quest for the division title and then WHAMMO! just like that a total reversal.

How typical was it that Special Teams took a nap after Jackson's 53 yard TD run? We had a HUGE momemtum advantage and just like that it was gone. Then we get an Isaac Bruce TD, go into halftime with the lead, and in typical Rams fashion that's all she wrote. Nothing in the second half. Nada. Zilch. Outscored by the Hags a season total of 40-3 in the second half. Hard to win games when you tank like that.

Is it just me and my hatred for the Hags or am I justified in saying that the Replay Booth screwed up royally on that last drive? When Frerotte snuck the first down at the 5 and then the upstairs guys decided to review it, why in the hell didn't they turn around three plays later and review Jackson's run when he stretched the ball out over the goal line? So quick to do a review that could have taken a first down away from us but not one that could have given us a winning TD. Typical.

To quote one of my favorite movie lines of all time, "Game over man, Game over!" Injuries are to blame, sure, but the frickin play calling was atrocious when it needed to be deadly. And it was deadly alright, just against the wrong team. Typical.

Great loss by a great losing team. Our team. My team.

On a side note, Jeff Wilkins PAT in the first Quarter moved him past Mark Moseley for 21st on the all time list.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Ugly and the Beast

Sunday’s 13-9 victory over the Whiners was not what I expected. When they came out firing on the first drive and scored a touchdown, I said to my son “we could score huge today, and I think I’m gonna win all my fantasy leagues this week.” Whoa! Slow down. Not so fast, big fella. Whatever it was that the Rams had in them for that drive suddenly went away and the rest of the game was ugly IMHO. At least it ended in a win, a win that had the Rams almost snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory once again this season.

There were several positives and quite a few milestones that this game produced, and even though you are probably aware of most of them, I now list some of them for your viewing pleasure:

· Having started this season with 498 franchise victories, the Rams have finally posted their 500th win, something that only five other teams in the history of the National Football League have ever done.

· Claiming their first win in San Francisco since 2004, Sunday’s contest was the 116th of what used to be an unparalleled West Coast rivalry.

· The Rams are no longer all by themselves in the NFC Worst cellar. The Whiners now know how it feels to lose eight in a row and are now tied with the Rams at the bottom at 2-8. There is a bad element to this win for the Rams, however, as each win takes them farther down the draft board.

· On the opening drive that ended in the 50th+ TD hookup for Bulger and Holt, Bulger hit Isaac Bruce on a 15 yard pass that moved Bruce past ex-Rams receiver and current Rams receivers coach Henry Ellard into sixth place on the NFL's career list with 13,778 reception yards. Although Ike ended the game with only 54 total yards he also catapulted past Cris Carter (13,940) for 20th place on the League’s all-time scrimmage yards list, now standing at 13,967. His overall stats right now: sixth on the NFL’s all-time receiving yards list, seventh on the NFL’s all time receptions list, 17th on the NFL’s all time touchdown reception list and 20th on the NFL’s all time scrimmage yards list. He is one of only nine receivers to have accumulated 13,000 receiving yards and is now the Rams all-time leader in receptions, receiving yards and touchdowns.

· Bulger was 27 for 33 passing, resulting in a career high completion percentage of 81.8. His passer rating of 125.0 was his best since last year's game against the Redskins on Xmas Eve.

· The Rams did something they have not been able to do in recent years — rely on their defense…and it worked! Frank Gore was virtually invisible, grinding out a mere 32 yards on 15 carries. This was the 10th time this year that the Rams haven’t given up a 100 yard rushing game to a RB. THAT’S ALL SEASON! 10 backs did it last year, with Gore doing it twice, going off for 127 and 134.

· Jeff Wilkins extended his streak of successful PATs to 358. This is the second longest streak in the league and is 13 short of tying the NFL record set by Denver’s Jason Elam from 1993-2002.

· Turnovers – ZERO! Zero in their two wins, resulting in a +4 turnover ratio in them. I see a pattern developing here…

One of my favorite sayings is that I would rather look bad and win than look good and lose. While I’d love to see a "look good and win" game every week, Sunday’s ugly victory will do just fine. Now if we can only get 6 more. So what if we’re the ugliest team to make the playoffs – that just means there will be a whole of pretty teams sittin’ at home watching. Who ever said being ugly can’t be beautiful?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Oh When The Rams Come Marching In!

YES!!!!! To answer the question of my colleague, we can all say "Hallelujah." What a win, eh, against the team many thought would run the table the rest of the season. The late meltdown withstanding, it was awesome to see our team clicking and running like we know they can. Marc to Rev Ike, Marc to Holt, Marc to Bennett, Marc to......McMichael? YES! Jackson stretching it out over the goal line and......throwing it over the goal line too? YES! Pittman showing his game against the team who took him in the draft when we wanted him? YES! Not too shabby for a winless team that had only scored 19 points on the road coming in. Still, at 1-8 even Bulger says they "are a bad team" and until a few more wins come their way, his statement qualifies as appropriate. As excited as I am right now, the fact that at any moment Bulger can take another rib shattering hit or that Jackson can plant and his groin pop leaves me feeling reserved in my optimism too. But after yesterday's outstanding performance it would appear that the ship is on the way to being righted; and with the Whiners on the horizon, 2-8 is highly probable. In this weak ass division, 8-8 can take it and we're 1/8th of the way there. YES!

Monday, October 29, 2007

It could be worse, and is...

What could be worse than 0-8? Well, let me tell you. My love of football and the Rams runs as deep as all of yours, but I find it more than disturbing, yes, indeed very troubling that as I brought up my home page a few minutes ago I noticed all kinds of news on the Packers win, the new deal by Romo, basketball signings, Halloween stuff, and other miscellaneous crap but nothing anymore about the wildfires in San Diego or the nearly 1,000,000 people displaced by them. These fires are still not over, there have been almost 2,000 homes destroyed, and from what I could find on various search engines, around 5 people dead. All the emphasis on sports just doesn't seem justified right now, and it amazes me that I actually had to search for information on the fires because of all the other non relevant stuff taking its place. 0-8 don't mean squat compared to what these poor people are going through. Sure, we will remember 0-8 twenty years from now, but the families impacted by these fires will not only be remembering them in twenty years but will also still be feeling them, breathing them, tasting them, living them, and re-living them. As of yet, no one I know personally has suffered anything more than the discomfort of being displaced, but for all of those people who lost a lifetime of memories in a second's time I wish them all peace from God and a swift recovery in this time of real need.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Insert Expletive Here

For this week's article, I am back from the DL but still needing a little help from my friends. Please feel free to Ram Lib as you go along:

What the ____ is going on here? 0 and _____ 7? This is the worst start in 70 years and ___ ____, I have just about had it up to here with it. JUST ABOUT! I will not abandon my team like all those other _____ ______ ______ so called fair-weather fans out there. Not the team, the players, the _____ coach either. They're all safe in my book. The 0-7 record is only a by product of the _____ injuries this team has had. Sure, I know, there are plenty of other teams that have been hit by the injury bug, and their coaches are saying "No excuses," but not our team, baby! No way. We have a ton of _____ excuses, and they are all legit. As incredible as it seems, the Rams are still not out of it thanks to the terrible, terrible NFC Worst. Cleveland is totally beatable next week and after that a Bye and then it's undefeated for the rest of this ____ ___ season. No more _____ injuries and no more _____ losses. __ I love this medication!

Now, as for my injury, I was doing some forestry conservation work (no, not work release!) and blew out another _____ disk in my low back. I will attempt to continue my writing but am looking at another _____ back surgery and may be out for a few. Last time I was able to use my laptop and the hospital room's phone for dial-up and may be able to do so again, but that remains to be seen. Whatever the case, I will continue to dig down deep to get to the bottom to stay on top. Now where did I put my helmet?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Out This Week

BeaverRam is on the injured list for week.

Now the injury bug is starting to affect the fans.

Monday, October 8, 2007

So Much For That

Well, I guess my excitement for week 5 was a bit much, eh? Of course, and I hate to say this, when you throw in terrible, terrible officiating you have no chance. "Now What" is becoming so overused for this season that I won't say it again. Well, after this time...Now What?!?!? I don't know if I can take this any longer. Paying $300 to watch the Rams lose in High Definition was not what I bargained for. So it's on to Baltimore and the hapless, totally beatable Ravens. Guess that means another loss. And I'll be watching, in HD. Gotta love them cheerleaders. Yeah!

Monday, October 1, 2007

What now?

I'm flippin pissed off and totally embarrased, and this is the first losing Monday in a long long time that I couldn't bear to wear a Rams jersey. My blood pressure rises every time my phone rings because I know it is one of my hater friends just calling to get me back. So what now? I'll tell ya - GET GEARED UP FOR NEXT WEEK, BABY!!! Week 4 is over so let's move on to week 5 against the Cardinals. It is very possible that we will be facing Kurt for an extended period of time in this game and I can't wait to see him and Fitzgerald try to eat up our secondary. Warner is no Romo in the pocket and their O-Line is almost as bad as ours, so it should be a great contest regardless of who QB's either team. Week 5 is in six days and I'm already ready. Are you?

No Ricky, Please

With Ricky Williams applying for reinstatement, Linehan has went on record as saying he would entertain having him on the team. I know that most of the injuries this year for our team have hog-tied the Coach and we should all cut him some slack, but if he does indeed go get Ricky then I think he should immediately be fired. Signing him would be the worst move for this team right now at a time when O-Line is decimated. Unless Ricky has grown taller, bulked up from the munchies, and learned how to play Left Tackle, he will be of no use. Even if Steven Jackson does not play for the rest of the season (hypothesizing, of course) we have no use for him.
With the morale of the team obviously at an all time low, bringing in an underachieving pothead would be a travesty. Unless his time with Buddha or Muhammed or whoever he is worshipping this year has made him a changed man, we need to stay far far away from him and focus on trading one of our 18 tight ends for a lineman. After witnessing a total cake walk for Romo because his protection was so good, there should be no doubt in the Rams front office of what needs to be done here. We'll see how long it takes for that to happen - hopefully before Frerotte gets killed too.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Frerotte to Leonard - Who Knew?

As I get ready to address all the Internet debate regarding the benching of Bulger in favor of Gus "Use him before he rots" Frerotte and of firing Linehan (which out of the two, I think that letting Gus start next week is the best and most viable option), across the wire comes news that Steven Jackson will be out AT LEAST one game with a partial left groin tear. This leads to two separate but similar dilemmas:

First - Without Jackson, there is now no way in hell that Bulger should get benched, because his leadership will be needed more now than ever. Gus could definitely step in and play, but Bulger possesses the leadership that this team is going to need to overcome what is now the most banged-up offense since the OJ murder (allegedly) trial.
Second - There is no way in hell that you let Bulger play, because with Jackson out, the blocking that has been so hit-and-miss will now be all but extinct. I know SJ sometimes blocks like one of the Golden Girls but at least he knows the schemes and has experience in picking up the blitz. So without him, that leaves...who? And with Marc already nursing two broken ribs, no way does his $65 Million dollar body need to take anymore abuse. Let the $2 Million dollar man do it. This team can rally around Gus and Brian and make things happen just like they did when Trent Green went down.

So after all is said and done, I say stick Gus in there and let him rip, or it might just be R.I.P. Bulger.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Rams Tied For First

AS I jumped into the air yelling, “It’s good, it’s good!,” I suddenly landed with a thud that was considerably louder than the one made by the ball grazing the front of the crossbar. “Nooooooo! Noooooooo! Noooo-hooo-hooo-hoooooo.”

So it went at my house on Sunday after Wilkie’s kick provided the grand sendoff to an 0-2 start. Not exactly what I expected when I threw on my new Jackson Pro Bowl Jersey, grabbed my football, and yelled “Oh yeah baby. Best day of the week right here!” NOT!!! Well, unless you’re a WHINER fan. Who’d a thunk it? The Whiners in first place after two weeks at 2-0? No way. Huh-uh. Nada. Not gonna happen. Except that it just has, and the Rams are at the bottom of the heap all alone. Or are they...?

Overall standings, we have SF at 2-0, the Cards at 1-1 thanks to a thrilling victory over the Hags on Sunday, followed by them Hags also at 1-1. However, division-wise, the Rams are only 0-1, the Hags are 0-1, the Cards are 1-1, and the Whiners are 2-0. We still play the Cards twice, the Hags twice, and the Whiners once more. Let’s keep assuming that the Whiners suck so therefore there is no way that they will continue this lucky streak, and it is truly a lucky one. They will not be in the division race at the end of the season, so their record does not matter and we’ll just forget about them. The Cards are also ahead of us at 1-1 division, but they too are no threat in the overall picture so we will forget about them also. That leaves the two best teams in the division, the Rams and the Hags, tied for first at 0-1. That’s right – TIED FOR FIRST! There is a still long way to go in this 16 game season and I am NOT going to turn my back on my most loved team in the whole entire universe. Yes they made me cry yesterday, but then again so did my wife, and I ain’t gettin’ rid of either of ‘em!

So now it’s on to Tampa Bay, Opie Garcia, and “P.O.N.T.I.A.C.” Williams. Here’s to win #1.

Monday, September 10, 2007

No Pace? Get a rope!

Although one man does not a team make, the loss of Orlando Pace has left both my Rams and my fantasy teams in the lurch.

It was amazing to watch what I called last week the "Greatest Offense on Earth" come to a screeching halt when Bulger's left hand man injured himself...again. Perhaps that is why the coaching staff's play calling after that was fit for pee wees, or maybe they were just so concerned about O.P. that they lost sight of the other guys out there actually still playing, but whatever the reason it was down right embarrassing and the worst I've seen in a long time.

Of course we can't discount the terrible officiating on both sides of the ball that also drove me insane, but what ultimately got to me was the false start on the very last UNTIMED play of the game. What the hell is that about?

It has been noted that the fans should be ashamed of themselves for leaving so early yesterday, but there is absolutely no excuse for our players to do so. What that showed me is that the players had even given up and were on their way home too. There is no way that a Bill Belichick coached player would do that, and I hope that the Rams coaching staff makes those players who packed it in early pay the price.

We'll see next week how concentrated the players are, and I hope it shows. So put down your beer and grab a rope, because if this keeps up we'll all be at the end of ours soon.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Horray, Football!

Back from the sweltering, gang-infested world that is Los Angeles, I can't help but wonder why in the world Frontiere doesn't want to go back there. Some loser was gonna call his homies to shoot up a gas station just because the pump wouldn't give him more than he paid for. And God forbid that someone allow you to get over so you can exit. God bless Corvallis, and that's all I have to say on that subject.

Now it is time once again for the footballs to take flight and the know-it-alls to come out from under their rocks and tell us how the Patriots and the Cowboys will meet in the Super Bowl in 2008.

While that may very well be the case, I will still allow myself to watch as the Rams attempt to derail "Them Cowboys" and stake their own claim once again to the Lombardi Trophy.

So grab yourself a beer and join me in watching the Greatest Offense on Earth come to life. Except for the beer part, of course, as I'll be doin' the Dew. Horray football!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Lose to the Raiders? SO!

Big freakin deal. Culpepper made our defense look like swiss cheese, and the absence of Holt and Jackson had our offense auditioning for the cast of High School Musical 3. BUT WHO CARES??? Preseason game three obviously doesn't mean as much to Linehan as it does to the rest of the world, but more importantly, I'm on the road with the family on the way to Disneyland and in the words of my boy Rome..."I'm Out!"

Monday, August 20, 2007

Preseason Week 2 Blues

WOW! The much improved Rams strike again...only against themselves with a bunch of turnovers and awful run defense. I know that the Chargers 2nd string back, Michael "Kathleen" Turner, is supposed to be no LaDainian Tomlinson, but the way he tore around and more disturbingly through the defense made him seem like the second coming of Jim Brown. Sure, sure, sure, it’s only the second game of the preseason, but it’s the also only the third game before the regular season starts and who is our first opponent? The Panthers, with two better than average backs in DeAngelo Williams and Deshaun Foster (What’s with the “De” anyway?) and some guy named Nick “how’s it” Goings who against us last year WAS the 2nd coming of Jim Brown. And then it’s the Whiners and Frank “Al” Gore. It’s actually not until week 13 against the Falcons that we catch a break and can stack 8 in the box all game long now that Vick has pled guilty and can’t hang or torture us for 200 rushing yards. Hopefully it won’t take that long for the defense to come together, because if it does then we’ll be looking up the frickin Whiners’ ass and I for one can’t handle that! Here’s to next week being much improved…again.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Jimmy Kennedy Era is Over

and I for one am sooooo happy, and from what I’m hearing and reading in chat rooms, I’m not alone.

It is all rather amazing, actually. First the Rams blow it big time on Damione Lewis, and then Kennedy. These two clowns give new meaning to the term “first rounder” - first they became rounder, and now they’re not even around! Fortunately for the Rams, they are not the only ones who busted big time in that draft. That whole UPPER draft class of Kennedy’s was full of guys who tanked it even sooner than he did: WR Charles Rogers, 2nd overall pick and DT Johnathan Sullivan, 6th overall, both of whom are OUT OF THE LEAGUE, DE Michael Haynes (14th), DE Jerome McDougle (15th), DE Calvin Pace (18th), and QB Kyle Boller (19th).

There is one thing that perplexes me about this whole thing however, and that is the timing. Sure they want to give all the snaps to the young guys and expedite their development and J-Ken would only serve to get in the way of that; and sure Haslett wanted him out and they will probably look to pick up a veteran DT during camp to replace him, but please – right now? Some of the remaining DT's on the roster – Carriker, Glover, Wroten, Jackson, and Ryan leave us scratching our heads and wondering “What were they thinking?” Only Glover has more than 1 season of NFL experience and Wroten has only played in a few games. Carriker has never played DT for a whole game and the other 2 are also rookies. One would think that keeping Kennedy in the rotation this season, even at the Under Tackle position or just on the bench for his “veteran” mindset, makes more sense then relying on two players drafted in the 5th and 7th rounds.

At least Kennedy has experience and at times in the ‘04 and ‘05 seasons played “well enough” when called upon. It has been proven that some of the best and most sought after DT's taken early in the draft need a couple seasons to adjust to the NFL. Can we then expect that at this point Jackson and Ryan are going to provide better play this year than J-Ken could have? That question remains to be answered, but we can only surmise that if we were that bad with him, we can only be that bad without him, so I guess it doesn’t really hurt after all, does it?

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Are We Done Yet…With Punking the Rams?

After a several month hiatus, I am back to share my wonderful and inspiring ideas but what with today being my 14th wedding anniversary and my wife breathing down my neck to go shopping for a new Acura or something girly like that, the writer’s block is hitting me like a Leonard Little sack.

So anyway, by now we all know who the Rams drafted, what their stats were, their strengths and weaknesses, and all that other stuff that is exciting for about 3 hours until I get sick and tired of hearing about it. So with the upcoming premier of the sequel to “Are We There Yet” just right around the corner, I figured I would pay homage to it by saying of the draft… “Are we done yet?” and of the season, “Are we there yet?”

With the first pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select WHO CARES!!!!!!! They are the epitome of stinkville, and the chump they picked #1 is not going to do them any good. How in the world does someone who has one good Bowl game jump to the top of the leader board like that anyway? I wonder why, with all the hours upon hours of speculation about who would be the number 1 pick, no one ever addressed the real question, the one I am truly concerned about - JaMarcus??? What the hell is a “Ja,” and what ever happened to plain ole freakin “Marcus?” Calvin Johnson should have been the #1 pick, but all that’s beside the point. We get all the way to #13 and the same old conspiracy rears its ugly head – ESPN totally punks the Rams. I have seen this discussed on several Rams boards, and it is something I would like to address also. For those of us who tortured ourselves by watching the entire draft, we observed that for each pick, the “experts” barraged us with their usual pre-pick chatter by weighing in on each team’s needs and who was available to fill them. EXCEPT FOR THE RAMS!

After the 12th pick, they continued to talk about the #12 pick, then proceeded to bring up poor little Brady Quinn sitting with his soon to be ex-girlfriend, only to follow that with a long commercial break that ended just in time for us to see the commish walk up to podium and announce the Rams’ pick. No pre-pick commentary on the Rams, their needs, their war room tactics, their possibilities, anything. And then after the pick, just a few words about Carriker and that was it. Then another commercial break and right on to in-depth discussion about the #14 pick. Oh yeah, and Brady Quinn. I have heard word that the NFL Network did better thanks to Marshall being on board, and I know that Torry was on the ESPN draft panel before, but with no MNF games this year and no real coverage of the Rams on ESPN, it seems the same ole sorry ass NFL execs are at it again. Here’s to hoping that the actual games this season won’t reflect this again also.


Saturday, April 14, 2007

Returning Soon!

Beaver Ram will be returning May 1st. So keep a look out for our old buddy!